This Saturday, I am finally coming out of the closet, and I invite you too. The only condition is that you have to come out with me! Let's fly our flags!
Anyone who has met me can book and attend without applying by email. Those with some kind of connection to me (lurking on my mailing list, stalking me online, voyeuring my YouTube) should apply by email (or contact-form) before booking, we should at least get to know each other. Do it now, and fully confess - the only unforgivable sin is that of omission. You'll feel cleansed – when you say it all.
For 21 years now, I have been identifying as an Enlightened Being, a nothing, a nobody, a hole in space and time that communes with the Whole, living in the forest, avoiding news, TV, celebrity gossip and politics, an Erasmus-ignoramus, a Mennonite with technological benefits. Cooking, being walked by a dog and You have been my soul focus.
But since 2020 CE (Covid Era), I started to become hyper-aware of the Identity. To be honest, I never imagined that I would see an Identity again, after losing mine to God on 19th June 2000.
But Life has a strange way of asserting itself, mostly through people who digest social networking and fake news (oxymoronic tautologous) – and I caught Enlightenment again, for the second time, after believing myself immune!
This time though, it's for real, thanks to true friends on the West Coast of America, who put me straight and enlightened me, by unequivocally declaring "You are a White Male". Praise the Lord! Thank you the Jesus, I never knew!
I kept it quiet for awhile, until I could figure out what it meant, and why it is important, since American English is not my native tongue.
And now, I can no longer keep it in. Eventually, I will sing it with the von Trapps from the mountain tops. But first, I want to sing it to you – this Saturday.
I'm still working on the full coming out speech:
"Thank you God for making me happy and unashamed, giving me a chance, and putting your faith in me by Enlightening me for a second time. Your ways are mysterious. I am a Straight Heterosexual Monogamous Stand-Up Guy Kind of a White Male.
Unequivocally Yours Truly,
It needs a bit of working on, especially those commas, and it's not biblically legal until said in front of witnesses. This is where you come in! I won't hog all the joy for myself – you will share yours by declaring your identity in front of us all too. In fact, you'll go first! You show me yours and I'll show you mine! Identity Party, yay!
Ooh, who would have thought that identities could be so much fun?
So, who ever you are, and whatever you are, and especially if it's still an issue and a bit difficult, just come along and sing your song.
Remember, you only get one chance in this Life, God's watching over us and is our Jehovah's Witness.
If you are single and looking for a partner, here is your chance to promote yourself. God wants you to be in couple.
For you lucky people already in a couple, this is your opportunity to make your partner feel absolutely loved and secure!
It's win-win without a drop of sin!
Full disclosure: I don't claim to understand all forms of human coupling. And never will. But that's totally cool!
Book now: ‘My Coming Out Party.’ You only get one chance!